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He is so Kind, but NOW WHAT???
The Story of How I Met My Dad at the Age of 28 continued (finally):
Part 1: The Day it All BeganPart 2: Thank God for FacebookPart 3: The CallPart 4: My first Email to DadPart 5: Leaving "What If's" Behind
Part 6:
I had such a sense of peace as I drove away from dinner on that special evening. I felt that no matter how things turned out, everything was going to be okay!!! However, despite knowing that everything would work out, there was one resounding question that was left rolling around in my head.Did I just meet My Dad?Since that night, I have thoroughly enjoyed hearing Dad tell others his version of the evening. He typically says something short and sweet to describe dinner ... "We met for dinner and talked for a long time. It was easy and it was nice." ... but my favorite part always comes at the end "... At the end of the night, I gave her a hug and watched her walk away. I was frozen in place, I looked up and repeated 'please let it be true, please let it be true.' "I am forever humbled by the idea that a man who has built a life, with a lovely wife, no children of his own, grounded in stablity, predictablity and consistentcy would so easily be enamoured by little ole me.It was Januaury 17 of 2008 and I was 25 years old, when I was told that there was question about my paternity. It was a hard pill to swallow. I felt rejected and abandoned, and I didn't understand how there could be questions about such a thing after all those years. In the end, I had come to the conclusion that it didn't matter. I was an adult. I had a very honorable life and I had a bright future in front of me. I was determined to accept the fact that my paternity did not matter.After one muggy night, one conversation over two drinks at Chili's, two hugs from a man that once was a stranger - IT MATTERED! In fact, IT MATTERED A LOT! Apart from saying "YES!" to Tony on our wedding day, there was nothing that mattered more. I was determined to answer the question "Who is My Daddy?"I drove home with no radio and no phone calls. Just me and my thoughts. Believe me ... those thoughts were loud enough.I walked through the doors at home and tried my best to tell Tony about the details of the evening. I remember being very tangental and all over the place. I would begin telling him one piece of the story, then I would get side tracked by something else and have to go back to finish the original thought. I am thankful that he was patient and interested in every last word that I had to share. I am also thankful for his sick sense of humor and the ways that he made me laugh. It was during the conversation of that night that he told me that I should start taking notes about my journey. He said that there had to be a "Dummy's Guide" worth writing in the there somewhere. We jokingly began calling the journey "The Dummy's Guide to Who's Your Daddy?"Chapter 1: How to overcome the shock of realizing that your paternity is questionable?Chapter 2: Narrowing Down the SuspectsChapter 3: To Meet or Not to Meet: The Pros and ConsChapter 4: So You Decided ... What the hell do you do now?I'm so thankful that we could laugh. It made all the emotion much easier to digest. There was no need to hide the akwardness of the situation from each other ... just calling a spade, a spade really helped. This journey was never one that I imagined for myself, and it was a challenge. I'm so grateful that I never had to take a single step alone.Telling Stories ...
On this lovely and beautiful day of the New Year, I feel challenged.
I read a simple paragraph today that caused me pause and consideration:"I think each of our lives are full of unsung miracles and gifts.When we share our stories with others, it helps us to see those gifts
and miracles more clearly. That's been my experience and I believe
it can be yours too...if you're willing to share your story."via life made lovelyAnd ... because of this kind and timely gift, I think that I will use the moments of this day to continue my story! After all, I am so blessed to have such a unique story to tell. :-)Happy New Year My Friends!!! I hope that this year brings you many moments of contentness, happiness and JOY!
I know that you might be surprised, but ...
... stories like these are more interesting than ever to me these days.Two 12-year old girls were told that they were switched at birth!Father and daughter meet for the first time after 31 years.If you ever happen upon a story like this, will you send it my way? My email is crystal.carbone@gmail.com. Thank you!P.S. I promise to get back to telling My Special Story some day soon! I am a bit preoccupied with work and grad school applications at the moment. Hopefully, those pressing issues will find themselves completed very soon!!! I must admit, I wish that there was some magic way that these daunting tasks would complete themselves without my help. I'd like it better if I could just sit back and watch while the tasks completed themselves!!! Wishful thinking? Sigh. I suppose.Happy "I Got YOU!" Day!!!
It's our 1 YEAR "I GOT YOU!" day! I loved Dad's FB post to celebrate it: "What a year! I wanted to say thank you to the facebook friends that have been interested and listening! On 9/23/2010 I became a Dad, and it has been one the greatest things of my life. I can't tell you how great it's been to go see my daughter play volleyball, teach her her how to fish and many other awesome things. But, most of all it has taught me to listen and sometimes read between the lines. Just want to tell everyone Thanks and I am open for pointers. All kidding aside... Crystal I love you with all of my heart. Luv ya DAD"I promise to blog more soon!!!!Thank you guys for all the support and for reading!~Crystal
Leaving "What if's" Behind
The Story of How I Met My Dad at the Age of 28:
Part 1: The Day it All BeganPart 2: Thank God for FacebookPart 3: The CallPart 4: My first Email to DadPart 5:
His response came at 10:27 the next morning. It felt like an eternity to me!Good morning! Could you please send me a phone number? Trying to type when I am nervous is not a good thing. I am willing to meet and do anything for you to have peace of mind. When we talk I will try to answer any questions that you may have. - Jimbo
However, there was this one thing that created a sinking feeling in my stomach! I really, completely despise talking on the phone. Especially to someone that I do not know, and even more so if the conversation is something emotionally charged. I would much rather talk with someone face to face so that I can see how they are receiving the information, or I am even okay to write to them, but the phone just creates a weirdness for me that is hard to overcome. Weird, I know, but it's just one of those things for me.I worried on and off throughout the day about what to say. I didn't want him to think badly of me by disliking the phone idea, and I also wanted to be considerate of his request since he had been so kind to me. It was a busy Friday at the office, and I finally got the chance to respond to his email in the afternoon. In the end, I decided to just be honest.
His short little email answered so many of my questions. First of all, he responded when he could have ignored me. He was also nervous. He didn't think that I was a fruit cake. He was willing to meet with me, and he was so generous and kind.
Hi there.
Apologies for the delayed response. It's been a busy day at work. I TOTALLY understand the nerves thing - I've had to work really hard to be productive today because of nerves.
I'll gladly share my cell (the number was here), but I must admit that I really despise talking on the phone. I would rather communicate in person or in writing. So ... if email is not for you ... maybe coffee is? Would you be available/interested to chat in person? I'm free all weekend - except for this evening. I'm also available on Tuesday/Thursday evening of next week.
If agreeable, throw out a time and a place and we can go from there. If not, no biggie - I can suck it up and get over my phone issues! However, if this is the case, would it be okay if we planned it, so I would know when to expect the call?
Looking forward to your thoughts.All the best,
CrystalMy First Interaction with Dad
The Story of How I Met My Dad at the Age of 28:Part 1: The Day it All BeganPart 2: Thank God for FacebookPart 3: The CallPart 4:On Wednesday ... my life was still turning and winding and speeding forward like a hurried freight train -- and I was still COMPLETELY oblivious!!!It was Wednesday night when I first thought that something was wrong. I was signed on to Facebook and noticed that my mom had tagged a bunch of random photos of me on her Facebook wall. I thought that it was very odd, so I turned to Tony (my husband) and said, "Opps, I think that I really hurt her feelings with that "which daddy" comment. I sure didn't mean too. In an effort to mend the wrong that I had made, I posted a comment on the photos ... "Mom, you don't have to just look at me in photos, lets meet for breakfast this weekend." We were going to have breakfast burritos at the park on Saturday morning. I was looking forward to seeing her to apologize in person.On Thursday morning, I missed a call from Mom while I was getting ready for work; she left a voicemail. As I climbed in the car, I received a text from her asking me to give her a call.Now here's something that every kid knows ... we ALL know the signs when something is really bugging our Mom's. Rarely does a Mom have to say a word and her kid can already tell you that something is bothering her. For my mom, there is a sense of immediacy and urgency when something is eating at her. She doesn't like to let things sit and fester ... she likes to get things off her chest as soon as possible. Knowing this, I was getting kind of nervous when she tried to contact me by two different routes on Thursday morning. I returned her call as soon as I got on the road heading to work. After our morning greetings, she wanted to know if we could do dinner tonight instead of breakfast on Saturday. I must admit, I really started to get curious and paranoid. I've had bad news in the past ... this has been a route in which bad news was relayed before. When I told her that Tony and I had plans, she said okay then Saturday will work ... but then she inserted the dreaded words ... "I really need to talk to you about something when we meet, and I don't want to talk about it over the phone." In my whinnest kid voice I said, "MOM!!" My best translation for this tone and statement is "Mom, I really don't like this! Please throw me a bone and change your mind!" We debated the pros and cons of discussing something of great importance over the phone, and eventually she said ...Opal Garton - December 08, 1918 to September 14, 2011
I think that Dad said it best, "With all the new beginnings that happen some things come to a end. Great Grandma Garton passed away yesterday at the age of 92. I only hope and pray that I can touch as many lives and hearts as she did."
Personally, I am feeling so thankful that I had time to get to know this special lady. She welcomed me into the family with huge open arms, and made me feel as if I had been there all along. Today I found a short video clip of her that was taken by accident ... I felt very grateful to hear her voice and see her precious smile again.I cried yesterday when Dad sent me a photo of the new collage that she recently put up in her kitchen:
It was such a refreshing and comforting feeling inside to know that I was important to her. I also really appreciated what my Aunt Cheryl had to say about it on Facebook yesterday:Crystal Van Ness Carbone, she was so proud of you and loved you so much. You and Celeste (the only great-great grandchild) had the most pictures on her wall in the dining room. You are the oldest great grandchild (no matter how long it took for you to get to us) and Celeste is the youngest in the family. Perfect photos for her wall."Even though her life on earth has reached it's end, she has created an amazing legacy that will live on forever in those lives that she touched - like mine! There is such an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness that fills me up inside knowing that I got to experience time with this amazing lady!The Call
The Story of How I Met My Dad at the Age of 28:Part 1: The Day it All BeganPart 2: Thank God for FacebookA year ago today ... Mom returned his call. I can imagine that the conversation was very awkward for both of them. It must have been very difficult to choose the words to begin such a conversation. I'm really not sure about many details of this conversation, with the exception of a few important details:
1. Mom had my best interest at heart when she contacted this man without me knowing. There is never any way to know how someone might respond to something like this. What if he said "you are NUTS lady" or "don't ever contact me again" or any number of things that would have indicated that he was not interested in a kid!!! She was intent on ensuring my safety and I will always be appreciative to her for that. I didn't know that she had contacted this man, and I didn't need to know if he was going to be unkind to me. I really am thankful for her heart in that decision.2. Neither of them had a clear recollection of "the night in question". He said that Mom had too many details correct in her email for him not to be curious. He never had children of his own, more out of circumstance than choice. His wife, Becky, shared her two awesome kids with him ... but they were grown adults when Dad and Becky married.Thanking God for Facebook, Strong Mom's & Manly Dad's
The Story of How I Met My Dad at the Age of 28:Part 1: The Day it All BeganAs I mentioned ... The day after Mom and I had that rather brief conversation by email [and I made that silly "Which Daddy?" comment], my Mom considered and pondered the email exchange for quite a while.Later, she told me that my comment really caught her off guard. She said that it was unlike me. It made her wonder if she could do anything to put my heart to rest once and for all. Being curious, she searched for a particular name on Facebook. She was hoping to find a photo, show it to me and put an exclamation mark where questions used to live. Instead, she found an exclamation mark of another kind!
When she found his page, she found this:
and she compared it to this:
She said that she rotated around to her trash can at work, threw up, then promptly grabbed her purse and left the office.
2 words, 1 email = Changed Lives
The Sweetest Story - How I met My Dad at the age of 28Today is the day that it all began. "It” meaning the journey to Dad and I finding each other.On the anniversary of my marriage, a year ago today, I was at the office. It was a special, but "normal" day, and my life was on the brink of changing forever - I had no idea.There were these special moments which quietly and inconspicuously held the brief email correspondence between my mom and me. My life was turning and winding and speeding forward like a hurried freight train -- and I was oblivious. Completely unaware. How might one anticipate such a thing?For the most part, life was just as it had always been. Mom and I emailed each other often. We joked about this and that, continuously revealing the nooks and crannies of our lives to one another. However, on this day one year ago, my simple key strokes had such meaning and power - and I had no clue. I was naive to the journey that I set out for myself on that seemingly average day. I had no way of understanding the massive impact that my two little words would create. My intention was not to be mean, or to cause hurt feelings, or to create doubt. I was just joking with my mom. I know now that one should be cautious when joking about such things.It's a funny thing about life, isn't it? The feelings and thoughts that fill the rear view mirrors of our lives? Those rear view mirrors can teach us so much. Lesson one ... life can change in a moment. Lesson two ... even the smallest of moments can have GREAT meaning, whether we are aware of it or not.On that day, one year ago, these were the facts that I thought to be true:Happy Anniversary to My Sweet Pea!
Tony Carbone - I adore you! Here's to the BEST YEAR YET!!!
Sweet September
September has found me again. I am simply dumbfounded that it has happened so quickly. Where did the time go? Did someone turn up the speed dial around here and forget to tell me?
I am in the busy time of my life at the moment, and even though I don't write about it nearly enough ... I am so content with this [exhausting, busy, and satisfying] life of mine!While our nation (and I) REMEMBER and mourn for those that we have lost in the face of hatred and tragedy, I am also humbled and in awe of the GREAT MONTH OF SEPTEMBER!It's the month that brought me two very different kinds of love with two very different men in my life!In September of 1997, I met my companion, my confidant and my force of strength, Tony. It's a funny story about how we met ... a story that is so telling about the life we share today. I was a sophomore in high school and Tony was a senior. He was the president of the computer club, and me ... the secretary.Yes -- you can giggle now!We are proud to call ourselves nerds, geeks, dweebs, etc., and one glance at our kitchen table depicts the same thing. His and her laptops, really?!?! Yep! It's true! That's the way we roll ;-)
Lasting Birthday Memories
Well ... My Birthday week has come and gone! I'm officially 29 (or 1 - depending on who you ask :-) )!! The festivities and fun happened one week ago, but the feelings of love, overwhelm and contentment still remain! I am one lucky, lucky girl! It's something that would be easy to take for granted, but this feeling is very novel to me ... so I am humbled by it and refuse to let it slip away!I neglected to post the final Birthday card from Dad - sorry! I meant to ... and even attempted to ... but I left the card on Dad's scanner, and it never got scanned because I got distracted with something else.However, there is more to talk about!!! :-)Warning: It's a long post - but - oh so worth it!The WEEK O' BIRTHDAY CARDS from My Dad Continues ...
Card # 5 - July 8, 2011Another beautiful card! This one is special because these are things that I have really been working on in the last few years. Only now that My Dad is in my life, these things seem to be much more simple and easy to do. I mean ... in some ways, I am busier than ever. My laundry is rarely getting done, the house isn't nearly as clean as it used to be (Thank you to my hubby Tony for being patient with me!) ... but, somehow there is more life and more depth than ever before!
The WEEK O' BIRTHDAY CARDS from My Dad Continues ...
Card # 4 - July 7I must admit ... I am eating this up! A lovely co-worker came in and told me that I am SPOILED! I couldn't agee more ... Thank you for spoiling me, Dad!!!!
Inside Card # 4 - July 7WEEK O' BIRTHDAY CARDS from My Dad
I have opened the first three birthday cards from My Dad ... the same way that I would have if the mail man would have just heeded Dad's intentions and delivered only one per day!
You'll be as suprised as I am by the WEEK O' BIRTHDAY CARDS from My Dad! I'll post them each day as the week rolls along!
Card #1 - July 4th
It's another first! The first birthday card that I ever got from my Dad!I'll add it too our scrapbook eventually ... but for now it will remain lining my bulletin board at work!
Card # 2 - July 5th
This one made my eyes swell up with tears!Father's Day 2011
This day has already been filled with so many special moments and it's not even "really" Father's Day yet.I made Dad open his gifts at 12:01. Not that I was excited about it or anything ;-)I gave him this (in a frame for his Man Office - ;-) ) ...... because one day we were standing outside looking at my garden together and a butterfly just like this stopped in for a visit. When it landed on my strawberry plant, Dad and I looked at eachother and smiled. It's the first time that I have seen ANY butterflies in my backyard ... and I haven't seen a butterfly again since then. I thought that this photo that I took a few years ago would be a neat way to remember the moment forever.He got a framed certified copy of my new birth certificate, and a children's book called "Guess How Much I Love You!" by Sam McBratney -- one of my nightly sayings to Dad is "Love you to the moon and back!", so this little book hit home!!!I also gave Dad a few cheesy "Dad" t-shirts. He is so exicted about them!!!! He has already put one of them on and requested a photo for his facebook page! I just LOVE that!!! Makes me smile so big that my face hurts!!!!
I write little notes to Dad often ... I don't want him to ever question how special he is to me!! I thought that Father's Day might be a neat time to share a few of the personal moments that Dad and I have shared ....I wrote this to him on October 12, 2011 ... (only month after finding out that he was My Dad) ..."you ... have forever changed me. I hesitate in saying these things because I don't want to set up expectations or pedastools for you to fulfill. The reality of what already is, is completely enough. I'm quite sure that there will be moments of tension, and every relationship is a miss on communication sometimes. But, you are geniune and you are real, and you care, about me. And, because of that ... there are so many broken places that are healed. I have so much more confidence in me, just because I'm me. In this short time, and in the ease of this relationship, I have realized - there is nothing wrong with me. I am just who I am supposed to be ... I fit ... and I belong ... and I am understood. I don't have to be anything ... I don't have to do anything and I am still protected and loved and championed by you."That feeling that I had after only a month with Dad has continued to grow. What we have is so incredibly special!!!Here's another cool thing ... a song ... Dad shared it with me and the lyrics are so descriptive of my emotions before Dad ...And, one more song ... This one is a little more descriptive of the way that I think Dad feels about me! It's a little bittersweet because we missed some of the great building block moments that most Father's and Daughter's share. However, I know in my heart of heart's that I am still My Daddy's Little Girl! I am so blessed!Happy Father's Day, Friends!-CWhat is in a word?
Words -- such individual and discrete little fellows! Yet, when you really think about it they carry so much power. Just the single mention of certain words can stir up all kinds of memories and emotions within us.Like ... the single word "summer" ... it makes me think of children running with smiles; a season of heat; and beach balls. The word "tent" reminds me of the last camping trip that Tony and I took ... the rain rolled down the side of our make shift temporary home and created amazing, changing visuals for us to revel in and quietly watch.Or ... how about "babies" ... "puppies" ... "hope"... "dreams" ... "love" ... "concern" ... what do these words bring to mind?And ... how about "Legacy"? What does that word bring to mind for you??... just sit with that word for a moment?
Legacy ...It's defined by Dictionary.com as 1. a gift of property, especially personal property; a bequest. 2. anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor.
A legacy could also be known as a bequest, a birthright, an endowment, a gift, an heirloom, a tradition.
However, these definitions and synonyms do not accurately capture my thoughts and feelings when considering this word. For me, "Legacy" isn't a simple word, and it cannot be defined by tangible, concrete items and mere things or simple ideas. I consider a legacy to be a rich and deep culture and a sense of knowing about life that is difficult to articulate, yet clearly known by all that are touched by it. It's like a strong current or powerful movement that draws you in through the stories, abstract thoughts and memories of the generations before you. In rare moments, a legacy can be created in a single person or a single decision. More often a legacy is created within a delicate balance of culture, influence, circumstances, and much, much more. It's in your blood, in your personality, in your behavior and in it's in your detailed life choices. A legacy can be chosen for you, but you also have the choice to make a legacy your own. A legacy is alive and it reveals who you are and what your life is about to others --- whether you chose to be aware of it or not. Your legacy can be quite simple or very intricate and complex, but it always impacts the lives of others in a very real way.
The legacy stamped on my life finds its start in generations before me. It's filled with stories of strong, courageous women and hard working, somewhat complicated men.
My family legacy is an important place to begin my story because it will help you to understand the culture and the world where I was created. It will help you (just as it has helped me) to understand that there is no one to blame. There are no hurt feelings, there is no anger. It's simply a story ... with many characters and a happy ending!
In the meantime ...
Hi there ...Just wanted to check in and say ... I haven't forgotten. I am working on the next post. Life has just been in the way lately. Hopefully, the newest post "What is in a word?" will be posted soon!
Confession time for me ... I have realized that I was over zealous in thinking that I could post a thoughtful contribution to my story on a daily basis. So now, I am aiming for one or two meaningful posts a week. Maybe more, maybe less ... depending on the week.
However ... in an effort to tide you over (and make me feel less guilty for not posting something already :-) ) ... here's a little something.
It's a photo that is the VERY FIRST of it's kind!!!! A photo of me, My Mom and My Dad all in one photo!!! It's a sort of silly request of mine that they willingly participated in - cause they love me :-)!! Mom and Dad both recently came out to help me cheer for my husband, Tony, in a triathlon event (Yes, he is truly amazing for many reasons - one of which is his commitment to health and fitness. This hasn't always been the case, but that's another story ;-).) Having them both in the same place with me was fun, and I seized the photo opportunity!
As is stated often, Dad and I share MANY very similar features. Many people question why we completed a DNA test at all. (You should see the similarities in our baby pictures - WOW!) However, I have grown up believing that My Mom and I look very similar. I'm not sure why ... but there is this a subtle struggle to integrate these things together. Having a new person to compare myself with is both extremely neat and a tad unsettling all at the same time. I find myself wondering what came from Mom, what came from Dad, and what is genuinely me. I'm figuring out that there are MANY things that I always considered to be unique me (because they didn't match anyone else in my family) that really came from Dad. Things like my Fred Flinstone feet, my sensitive skin, and much of my personality have always made me feel very different from my brother and sister (who I always thought shared my DNA). I have continuously asked myself why was I different, but now - I know why!!! :-)At any rate, it may seem silly, but since Dad ... I have held photos of Mom, Dad and I side by side, compared photos over time and tried to answer questions like: did I look more like Mom as a little girl and morph into Dad as an adult? Do I have his nose? Her smile? Again ... I know ... silly, but the questions are real and I am finding so much peace in this journey!All this to say ... having a photo of myself between My Mom and My Dad was a very neat treat! I am so thankful that they obliged!Have any thoughts about this one? Who do you think that I favor the most?Until next time ...Crystal -
'the red chair' is a comfy and cozy place where I learn, laugh and live out loud.
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... borrowed from the-value-of-cheerfulness.blogspot.com
Quotes I Like
"The less routine, the more life." Amos Bronson Alcon
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." William Shakespeare
“Cheerfulness is the atmosphere in which all things thrive.” Jean Paul Richter
"Success is not a career, a family or wealth. Success is happiness acknowledged." Unknown
"Write on your heart that everday is the best day of the year." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"There are better things ahead, than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
“STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS!” Unknown
“Happiness happens when you align your life with your soul's purpose!” Unknown
"There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us." Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A jewel is just a rock put under enormous heat and pressure. Extraordinary things are always hiding in places people never think to look." Unknown
"Be Cheerfully Bold!" Unknown
"Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth." Unknown
ENJOY :: Photography, Reading